Kenny asked me to write this one for him, as he has still not learned to type…
It’s not easy being Two.
When you’re having fun doing stuff, people tell you, “It’s time to go!” and when you say you don’t want to, they pick you up and carry you away anyway. And when you’re in the yard with a wiffle ball and throw it as hard as you can, they clap and say, “Good throw, Kenny!” but when you throw the little pumpkin Mommy gave you to play with in the middle of dinner and it knocks over Mommy’s wine glass, they say silly things like, “No throwing!” And why do Mommy and Daddy let me color all over the papers, and say, “Wow, Kenny, that’s beautiful!” but when I color on the carpet, they take my crayons away and say, “Kenny! what are you doing?” It’s confusing, being Two.
I love M&Ms. My Mommy calls them “potty treats” and only gives them to me two at a time, whenever I pee pee or poop in the potty. Sometimes I only pee a little, get my M&Ms and then go pee the rest and get more. Mommy gives me a funny look and says, “Next time I want you to pee pee it all out the first time.” Like, duh. Then I don’t get as many potty treats. It’s fun, being Two.
I love my dog Dudley. He gets to poop outside. I did that once, when my mom was too slow getting a diaper back on me, and she laughed, but then tried to look serious and said, “Kenny, you have to poop in the potty. Only Dudley gets to poop outside.” That’s not fair. Dudley has a funny tail. It wiggles when he’s happy. I wish I had one. I like to share my food with Dudley. Especially when I’m all done with lunch and Mommy says I have to eat one more bite. I can give it to Dudley and she thinks I ate it all up! But sometimes she sees it and yells at Dudley, and I feel bad, and then she makes me another sandwich and I have to pretend to eat that one, too. It’s exhausting, being Two.