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Attack of the 25 Pound Puddle

April 16th, 2007

Kenny has officially learned to turn his tough, wiry little body into a gelatinous mass of screaming toddler mayhem.

He had a check up at the doctor’s today, to ensure that the Staph infection is completely gone, and on the way home, we stopped at Barnes and Noble to buy a new book for me  and a gift for a friend.   I didn’t have the stroller with me, and I’m still not really supposed to be carrying Kenny around (yeah, that translates to I’m still carrying him as much as I ever did, just with more pain in my still-healing incisions), but he’s pretty good for a short visit to a store with staying close, holding my hand and being my little shaddow.   Not today.

Within a minute of standing in the fiction and literature section, Kenny squatted and grunted out a loud and smelly poop.   Oops… the diapers were in the car… well, I thought mistakenly, we’ll only be a minute.   My  next mistake was to actually read a few book jackets as I was making my selection.   (Rule number one when shopping with a toddler explictly states that Thou Shall only grab whatever you see first and bolt to the cash register.   No comparison shopping allowed.   Especially when there is an unchanged poopy diaper involved.)   While I was scanning jacket blurbs, Kenny took his tiny yet determined little arm and cleared off the bottom shelf in one swipe.   As I leaned down to start cleaning up the mess, he started taking each one off the shelf as I put it back and throwing it as far as he could into the aisle.   Now Kenny loves to “help” so I told him to help me put all the books back.  

He actually stomped his foot and said, “NO, MAMA.”   I was shocked, as nothing like that has ever happened before.   Ok, he’s whined the word “no” when he’s tired of eating green beans, but nothing so deliberate.   Then, the kicker: he smiled at me.   He smiled, turned back to the shelf and started flinging books again!   Ack!

I grabbed his shirt collar, put all the books back in one swoop, and bent down to pick him up and get out of there.   That’s when he defied physics, and literally melted into the floor.   His arms became jello sticks, his spine like pudding and his legs like bricks.   No matter how I tried, I couldn’t get a grip on him.   Then he started kicking and howling.   Old ladies started glaring at me and the store clerk rolled her eyes.   I steeled myself and grabbed him by the back of his shorts and the extra material on his shirt and hauled his little hiney out of there.   Except that I stopped at the register first to pay for my book.

Once we were out of the store, he was all charm and sweetness.   I changed his diaper in the back bed of the Hummer (I’m sure it was quite a sight) and we went home.   The little tiger was dead asleep by six tonight.   I think I’m right behind him.

10 Comments »

  1. Kimmie says

    😆 I’m sorry that my kiddo’s let the secret out! Pig Will does the limp arms/body thing and Pig Me Too does the outright “NO!” thing. Oy Vey!!!

    April 16th, 2007 | #

  2. svea says

    I can totally relate. Eiley turned to melted jello in the bank today after charming all the tellers with ehr sweetness , getting a baloon from one and drawing oos and aaahhhs from most, she decided that the book in the kids play area she was reading MUST come home with us. after asking her to put it back several times, I took it from her and the jello puddle emerged with hysterical crying. Oh My Gosh. Do I have a two year old? This is actually the very first time she has ever done this. Alas, she to was all sweetness when we got in the car, though I tried my best toddleresqu lecturing abilities to explain that her behaviour was not good.. who knows if anything got through.
    WE will make it through these years loving our kids and only dying of embarassment once in a while…..we hope. cheers to you for getting your book!

    April 16th, 2007 | #

  3. Pinks & Blues Girls says

    I love that you stopped at the register to pay for the book first! Good for you! 🙂

    Sounds like a fun trip to the bookstore! Haha!

    – Jane, Pinks & Blues Girls

    April 17th, 2007 | #

  4. LeAnne says

    Oh boy. I have an almost 14 mo old son. We haven’t gotten EXACTLY to the point your talking about, but I’ve seen him when he’s in his exersaucer (and doesn’t want to be there), he’ll look at us and kinda push his chest out, and his head and arms kinda flop back like we just did him so wrong. I’m like ok, we’ve got a little drama man! It’s definitely going to be an interesting ride……………..:grin: But I love him dearly!

    April 17th, 2007 | #

  5. Faith says

    Corban is just starting to say “No!” all the time too, and usually when he says it he let’s you know he MEANS it. I’m waiting for our first public meltdown… Good job buying the book on the way out!

    On another note, I saw you left a comment on my blog and I felt bad that I had linked yours without asking. I’m completely new (well, like a month new) to blogging and wasn’t sure what the appropriate etiquette is as far as that goes. I love reading about your adventures with Kenny and hope it’s OK with you. Actually, I initially stumbled onto your website when we were looking for a domain name. Mommyblog.com was my first choice! I’m so pleased you had already taken it and now I can read about another mom and her little man:)

    April 17th, 2007 | #

  6. Elizabeth says

    When Annalise was almost 2, she had a bad morning when she licked the counter at the post office (I still won’t go back there) and somehow tied my shoes together while I was doing some work in our church’s office. No one noticed, but I was horrified! Little ones can be such monkeys, but also such loveys!

    April 18th, 2007 | #

  7. Aunt Syl says

    Kristjana – besides writing your blog, I think you should consider turning these adventures into a book. Besides laughing out loud, Kenny’s adventures bring back such memories about raising Barbara and Ben. Barbara, of course, was perfect.:roll: However, Ben had to be hauled out of church one Sunday when he was about Kenny’s age. Everyone came to find us later because they were curious as Ben usually never made a peep, and they wondered if he had become possessed. I will buy your first copy!!

    April 18th, 2007 | #

  8. Milaka says

    Hearing about Kenny in B&N caused me to re-visit the wall-eyed fit that Buddy threw in Wal-Mart almost exactly a year ago. I’m not sure that I’m courageous enough to blog about it even now. But you have inspired me to try. I think that all of us stay-at-home-moms need to know that our kid is not the only one who goes dead-weight in a retail establishment as they are kicking and screaming!

    I’m glad that his ear is better!

    April 18th, 2007 | #

  9. Milaka says

    P.S. I got a new hard drive and had my computer cleaned of viruses and spyware. Now I can post comments to you!!!!

    April 18th, 2007 | #

  10. Kimberly says

    Your poor incisions!!

    April 18th, 2007 | #

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