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Casey and I will leave at 5 am tomorrow morning to go to the hospital where he will check in to have his heart surgery.   I think I am more nervous than he is.   My sister is staying here tonight with her kids to be with Kenny tomorrow morning, and until I am able to return home.   As we were putting Kenny to bed tonight, we explained that we wouldn’t be here in the morning, because Mommy was taking Daddy to the doctor for the day, and wouldn’t be home until sometime in the afternoon.   He was quiet, and then kept asking for song after song as we were putting him to bed.   Each time I finished one, he piped in, “another one.”   I know that he was feeling a little anxious about waking up without us there.   That’s only happened twice before, and both times because Casey and I had an overnight “date night.”  

He knows that this is different.   And he knows, all too well, what a “doctor” is, and that Mommy and Daddy and Kenny have had their fair share of all-day and all-night trips to the hospital.   It breaks my heart that he knows what it means.   A one-year-old shouldn’t know all that.   Thank goodness he loves his Aunt Kim and his sweet cousins.   I know that he will be fine tomorrow, but my heart is so torn right now.   I want to be, and need to be, right there with my husband as he goes through his surgery, and then with him in the recovery room.   And yet my heart also aches to be with my little boy and comfort him that Daddy is going to be just fine.   Part of me didn’t want to tell him what was going on, but he is such a perceptive little boy, I couldn’t hide it in the end.

I also ache over the fact that my father will be having surgery at a hospital 45 miles away, and my mom there with neither me or my sister to comfort her.   It just isn’t fair.

Please think of us, and pray for us tomorrow.   It is going to be a stressful day.