Mama said there’d be days like this…
I’ve had better days as a mother.
Casey took a short trip out of town and things are always a little edgier around here when he’s gone. Ok, I should amend that to say that since Cooper was born, things are a little edgier when he’s gone. Before Cooper (BC… ha ha ha …) Kenny and I had a grand old time anytime it was just the two of us. We went on dinner dates to the local pizzeria, prowled the mall, played in the backyard in our pajamas and generally had a silly time. But now with the little wiggler in the mix, and suddenly two totally different little people to deal with, things are rough when I’ve got them on my own.
Dudley is also a mess whenever Casey is gone, chewing everything in sight and prowling around the house nervously all night – whining to go out every other hour until sunrise. To top all that off, we’ve had a bird stuck on our screened porch since 8 o’clock this morning. At one point I went out there to try and lure him out, but he ended up flying so hard into the screen, he bounced onto a glass coffee table and stunned himself for a good five minutes. I locked Dudley in the house (he is famous for getting our stuck birds…. in his own way) and watched the poor thing lay on it’s back, breathing deeply and praying that it would get up. It did, but then spent the rest of the day perched on the back of the wicker couch, staring out the screen, afraid to try again. He is still there and I can only hope that some instinct will drive him back out the door and into the wild by morning. Otherwise, Mommy’s going to have to have a little birdie funeral later tomorrow…
But back to my own brood: I know that it will be easier as Cooper gets older, but he’s only 6 months and still has those afternoons and evenings when he just wants to be held. Or when I need to take a little extra time to feed him, or put him down for a nap, or whatever it might be. And since Cooper’s been around, Kenny has become much more of a Daddy’s boy – quite possibly because so often in the evenings, I’m wrapped up with the baby and it’s Casey who does the baths and storytimes and sings him to sleep.
Today was not so hot for my record. Kenny was extra “needy” all day – no matter how much one-on-one we had, he wanted more. Excpet for the few hours Cooper was napping and I was playing solely with him, Kenny purposely made messes, sassed me back, jumped all over the place and then wailed like a fire engine when I scolded him. By the time I started making dinner, he was bouncing like a wild man and semi-purposely dropped a full cup of apple juice all over the floor. I so almost lost it. I didn’t say a word to him, but I threw the empty cup into the sink and marched myself into the other room, swinging the door shut behind me. I could hear him start to cry. Which made Cooper start to fuss. Which reminded me that I really couldn’t leave them unattended in the kitchen with a hot pan on the stove. But even though I was cordial during dinner, I simmered, and Kenny, perhaps in effort to make amends, cleaned his plate (even managing a, “Yum, Mama. This is go-od!”) and asked sweetly for dessert (“Mama, can I please have a little vanilla ice cream, please, Mama?). Cooper then hit his witching hour just as we settled in the bed for stories, and Kenny was more than a little distraught that I couldn’t hang in the room with him very long.
Now that they are both asleep, I looked back over all the little peevish gripes I had throughout the day and I feel a little small. Small mostly because, before Cooper, Kenny and I were little buddies – cohorts – partners in our day-to-day rhythm. Now I feel like I’m on him all the time about everything. Sure he’s three, so he acts like a hyena most of the day, but he’s also my little boy and I love him so much and yet I find myself irrationally annoyed with him when he acts up. Like he’s suddenly supposed to be the big boy so I can attend to the baby. I don’t know what the answer is. But there suddenly is a tension I wasn’t expecting in having a second child. And I do want to have another one. But for now, it really is kind of hard.
Oh friend, I so feel your pain. My little man has an exorbitant amount of energy. Many many days all I feel like I do is tell him to settle down. Then I throw into the mix a little girl who wants to play Barbies and my sweet little baby who likes to chew on my thumb. All I can hear myself say is “hang on a minute”. Or “please wait”,I need to put up visual reminders that my children are five and four. Not fifteen and fourteen.
January 10th, 2009 | #
I hear your words and feel your ache exactly! I find comfort in knowing that you and Andrea (from comment above) also feel this way. May we all find a way to gain peace and patience knowing that our little ones are just little once and learn to enjoy their excitement with life while they still want us to be a part of it. 😉 Hang in there!
January 10th, 2009 | #
I went through this with my daughter when my son was born (they are four years apart), and it didn’t help that my daughter has a very strong personality that is just about as opposite from my own as it could possibly be. It took a long time, a lot of prayer, and a lot of trial-and-error, but we are finally back in a good place. Two things got us there: figuring out that my daughter is an extrovert while I am an introvert, and finding one thing that we do without fail every day. The extrovert/introvert thing was horrible for her because spending so much time at home with just me and the baby kept her from doing what she loves more than anything–playing with other kids. Once I made a point of going to the playground in the afternoon or meeting up with friends several times a week, things got much better. And while it was just reality that I couldn’t play with her the way I did before the baby was born, I made a point of picking one activity that she could count on doing with me every day. That activity has changed over time–first it was drawing pictures, then reading chapter books, now it’s cooking dinner (she’s 8) together a couple nights a week–and it isn’t even really important what it is. The point is that when her brother seems to be taking all of my time and attention, she knew/knows that she will have her turn.
It will get easier, and you’re probably doing a much better job than you think you are.
January 11th, 2009 | #
When Pig Me Too was 6 weeks old and Pig Will was 20 months old, husband deployed for 6 months. It was hard, but I just tried to involve PW with everything that I did with the baby. When I was nursing, PW was giving a bottle to her baby doll. When I was holding her, she would cuddle up and I’d read a book. Otherwise, we were always laying on the floor with PMT on a blanket while PW and I did puzzles, learn ABC’s and song time. (I guess what I’m trying to say is let him get involved with helping with Cooper as much as possible.)
This too shall pass… but hold on to it as long as you can… they grow up too fast. Can you believe mine are 5 and 6 now? 😥
January 11th, 2009 | #
Hang in there. My 3 under 3 try my patience EVERY DAY! I’ve even been getting annoyed with my almost 3 year old because she wants hugs and kisses all.the.time. Of course, this leads me to believe I’m doing something wrong already if she’s truly this needy. My middle child, Chicken, never wants me, never shows affection to me and never really interacts with me and I’m constantly getting on to him. Some days are hard, that’s for sure! Mine are always bad when my Hubby decides to work late or go out with his buddies. UGH!
January 12th, 2009 | #
I feel for you and I totally understand. I have 2 daughters. My youngest is 10 months old now, but she is a screamer.
I understand the heart breaking feeling of not being able to give your first child all your attention (like you did before the baby came along) and also the feeling that you’re second child will never get as much attention as the first one did. I wrestled with that for many months and still do on occasion.
But it does get easier. Granted I have girls, which I believe to be a little easier to handle, at least for now. When they hit puberty I know it will be a different story.
Hang in there and know that you are wonderful mommy with enormous love for your kids.
January 13th, 2009 | #