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Playing Catch Up

July 23rd, 2007

Do you ever have a to do list that makes you so anxious just looking at it that you decide to throw it away??   I have spent the evening trying to catch up on various neglected household tasks, and finally I threw in the towel and have spent the better part of the last hour surfing the web.

How are we mommies ever supposed to get everything done?   My friend Jody put it well… “By the time I finish vacuuming the house, the dust bunnies have come back to the room I started in!”   I have a pile of mail to open and file that has grown so large, it just fell to the floor.   I am a fanatic about cleaning, so that’s where my time is usually spent, but then when do I have time to match the ever-multiplying pile of socks that need a mate?   When do I actually fill in the blanks in my Bible study book in time to meet with my ladies?   When do I iron that skirt I’ve been dying to wear, but can’t because it’s resembling a Sharpe?   Most of all, when do I take the time to do those sit ups I keep thinking about, or those yoga moves I used to love so much?

As I often sing to Kenny, “Iiiiii don’t wanna work / I want to play with my kid all day…”   I am finally realizing, though, that no one else has it all together, either.   If my nails are crying out for a manicure, when I steal a glance at the mom next to me in the grocery line, I see that her three inch roots are crying harder.   And the day that I spent an hour in the Safeway with my fly down,  mascara on one eye  and mismatching earrings, I  could name half a dozen other  people that  I  saw there looking even more disheveled – and they weren’t even toting kids.  

I am also struggling with “taking time to grieve.”   Frankly, I don’t like to, as much as I know I need to.   When I’m alone – at naptime, or on nights Casey works late, it’s like, if I stay busy enough mopping the floor and folding shirts, I don’t have to think about the three beautiful babies up in heaven.     I do find myself crying a little here and there when I’m playing with Kenny.   I am so sad for the brothers or sisters that he will never know. I see how elated he is when we have playdates or outings to the park where there are “KIDS!” and my heart twists, praying that he will grow up with a sibling or two to share his days with.   I am so thankful, though, that he is too young to understand what we have lost.

For now, though, it’s back to the stack of laundry that needs to make it up the stairs sometime this week, or at least before the next load makes it’s way down to be washed.


  1. Kimberly says

    Hi Kristjana!
    You are singing my song! It’s funny, but I have finally come to the realization that it cannot just be me! Motherhood is demanding! How can we be “put together” when we have to time our days around nap and bathroom schedules? Just wait until Kenny is potty trained…then if he has to go…you have to wait!

    I am not lazy. I do not watch TV. I try and limit my computer time to 1-2 hours…tops… if my housework is done! And still, the dust bunnies come marching 2 by 2, hurrah…hurrah… 😀

    July 23rd, 2007 | #

  2. LeAnne says

    In my situation (since I have to work outside the home), I have to do all my washing, dishes and laundry, get his food ready for the day. etc before he gets up/before I go to work every morning. Cause when I get home around 5:30 – 6pm, I’m so focused on either feeding, bathing, playing, with Joshua, that there is no time for the house cleaning. I have very limited time with him….which causes a bit of bitterness in me sometime…. I want to stay at home with him, but things just don’t let me right now.

    I used to wear alot of makeup, wear contacts, style my hair, etc. But now, it’s foundation, powder, lipstick, glasses, and a ponytail! You may find me in Walmart with stains on my clothes from food, drool, or snot! I dont have the most recent style of clothes, but I love being a mother and everything that comes with it. I definitely don’t have it all together, but I guess all I can do is try.:grin:

    July 24th, 2007 | #

  3. Cheryl says

    i am in the same situation. i was in graduate school before i gave birth to my twins. now i feel like that was someone i don’t even know anymore. my whole life revolves around my 2.5y beauties. much as i love them, i do miss my “self”. i do get a couple of hours a week just for me, but it seems there is always so much to do that i rarely get to focus just on myself. or, if i do get the chance, i’m like a parched horse…it never seems like enough and i find myself wanting more and, as aresult, feeling even more deprived. i’m hoping that by the time they are 5, i will be able to find myself again and not have lost myself completely. i love being a mom, but it isn’t all i want out of life. i have many other interests, as well. someday…. 🙂

    August 9th, 2007 | #

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