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Post Script

July 25th, 2006

So I let the poor little guy cry for the one hour limit.

Never again.

Neither of us really  recovered from it the rest of the day.

But he went down like an angel at bedtime.

I had never known that love this strong could feel so tangible.   My very fingers tingle when I think of the little guy and how fiercely my heart beats for him.   Isn’t it funny how diffferently our loves manifest themselves?   C.S. Lewis, in his book, The Four Loves,    writes of how our capacity to love falls into different catagories.   Affection, Infatuation, Eros and finally Agape.   You know, the huge and boundless love I have for Casey fits into all four.   But the first three come easier than the third, which is deliberate.   The boundless  love I have for the One who created me is easily the last – the Agape love – and yet I strive to also feel the giddy affection I know that He deserves.   But the love I have for Kenny… that is all together different.   Definitely the uncompromising, unfailing Agape love – he is my son!   I was an instrument in his very being! – and unquestioningly Affection and Infatuation.   But there is also another I would need to add to Lewis’s four catagories.   That of  Mother Love.

Have you ever drawn a picture, played a beautiful sonata, woven a sweater, cooked a masterpiece of a meal and at the end of it all, once sharing it with others, felt a swell of unanticipated joy and love in your heart with the knowledge, “I made that?”   That’s a glimpse into the Mother love I feel for Kenny.   Oh, I know that I didn’t make him all by myself.   God knit him together in my womb – he’s a miracle!   But I carried him while he was being formed.   Out of my body he was born.   I am the one who nurses him and supplies his daily nourishment.   I am his Mother.

That’s a powerful feeling.   One that I could have never understood before holding his tiny body in my arms.   He is my son, and I am in awe of the wonder of it all.

Oh I know there will be more days  in our lives together when he will wail and cry and protest something that I am doing for his own good, but that sweet little one, Oh!   He will never be left alone to cry like that ever again!

Kenny, July 06 032.jpg


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