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Twenty Questions

July 27th, 2007

Yesterday  evening Casey and I dropped Kenny off at my sister’s house and went to the home of a semi-retired OB who is the father of  a good friend of ours.   He started the OB practice that I go to many years ago, and is still in charge of operations there, even though he no longer delivers babies.   We had about two hundred and twenty questions, and desperately needed to talk to someone who A) wasn’t on a time clock, and B) actually believed in God and creation and the reality of life in the womb.

It was such a healing time.   He was fatherly and kind, specific and clinical, and jovial in the midst of sharing our sorrow.   At one point he looked quite seriously at me and said, “These were  children you lost.   You’re not going to forget it; it will be part of your life forever.”     He also answered our questions about statistics and common assumptions about miscarriage and subsequent pregnancies.    He was frank, too, about the reality that when you have a viable pregnancy, there is truly  nothing  you can do to actually  cause a miscarriage (like exercising, being “too busy,” or, to quote him directly, “Doing jumping jacks until your tongue hangs out”), and if the pregnancy is not viable, there is nothing you can do to save it (bed rest, taking vitamins or hormones – unless you have a clinical condition warranting them).   When Casey asked him, “If this was your daughter who has had two miscarriages in four months, what would you tell her to do?” he replied, “Get pregnant.”   Then he said, “You call me the minute  you get pregnant, and I’ll get you in right away with the best OB on the East Coast.”     He explained that early monitoring was the best thing we could do for peace of mind and good health.   I can’t begin to express how relieved I was at his generosity; I nearly disolved into tears.     When we asked him about timing, he dispelled the current trend of telling women to wait three months, and said that physically, it made no difference if you got pregnant five minutes or five months from miscarrying… that the most important thing was giving yourself time to emotionally heal.

The biggest gift of the whole evening  was the peace of mind and encouragement that he gave us.   It never hurts to have the head of the practice on your side.   And it never hurts to have someone who truly believes in the miracle of life encouraging you to try again.


  1. Crisanne says

    I’m glad you were able to get good counsel about the situation. I know J has said many of the same things from the medical perspective, so I’m sure it’s nice to hear it from someone who has so many years experience in the field. Take care of yourself and have a wonderful weekend!

    July 27th, 2007 | #

  2. svea says

    so glad God is bringing comfort and peace into your life in many sweet ways. trusting with you for your family to be blessed with life again. hugs to you

    July 27th, 2007 | #

  3. Milaka says

    I’m so glad that you were able to talk to him. And I’m glad that he was able to tell you that you should go ahead and try again. When I had my miscarriage, my doctor wanted me to wait one cycle before trying, just to make sure that everything was in good working order. We waited that one cycle and then nine months later had a healthy baby boy. (And when that healthy baby boy was born 4 1/2 weeks early – at 7 pounds, 5 ounces mind you – all of the staff asked if I had my dates right. Oh yeah, we had our dates right! We knew exactly!) So be encouraged! And thank you for sharing so honestly!

    July 27th, 2007 | #

  4. Audrey - Pinks & Blues says

    That’s wonderful news to get!! It must feel so good to have found someone like him to talk to. I remember after my miscarriage last March… we had just moved to RI, so my husbad and I went back to see our old OB in NYC. He was so amazing to us. I asked him, flat out… what do you think I should do? Because the new OB I had met in RI (whom I have changed from now) told me to wait 3 months to get pregnant. And it was devastating to hear. He looked at us and said exactly what the OB told you… “Go home and get pregnant.” We were back there 4 months later and he monitored me for 20 weeks. It was exactly what I needed. I don’t know if you live in RI… but the mid-wife at the practice I go to let me go get a sonogram every week with Benjamin b/c I was so scared the frist 20 weeks. I am so happy for you and Casey to get some reassuring news… please please keep me updated.
    – Audrey

    July 28th, 2007 | #

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